F*R*I*E*N*D*S - the TV thingy....



We couldn't find a non-copyright picture of Friends so here's one
we made earlier of the Trevi Fountain in Rome

I once had a conversation with a young woman who told me of her near obsession for the American sitcom Friends. She knew everything about all of the characters - what they ate, how they dressed, what piques and peculiarities each possessed. They weren't the figment of a script writer's imagination. For one young woman they were real people - and they were her real friends!

I have to say that I had very little to contribute to our conversation as I'd never watched an episode of the show in my entire life. But I was intrigued enough to discover what I'd been missing (or not), and this wasn't difficult to do, as the show was being broadcast almost endlessly on one of the digital channels. So I watched a couple of episodes (including one set in London with British counter-culture anarchist Heathcote Williams doing a walk-on) and have to confess that it did nothing for me, though I doubt if I'm the demographic that the show aims at. But I honestly didn't think that any of the cast were brilliant comedy actors, though the audience was evidently of a different opinion as they diligently laughed at everything they said. Or maybe it was the script that I had difficulty with. So I thought I'd write one myself, just to prove that it was impossible for me not to, and here's the rubbish I came up with....


PHOEBE is seated on the couch reading a magazine.
JOEY, a can of beer in his hand, involuntarily sits down on PHOEBE.

(Laughter)

JOEY: Gee, sorry, Phoebe, didn’t see you sitting there.

(Laughter)

PHOEBE: Like I’ve suddenly become the invisible woman?

(Laughter)

ROSS comes in.

ROSS: What’s going on?

JOEY: (to Ross) I think Phoebe’s having her period?

(Laughter)

PHOEBE: What was that?

ROSS: Oh, nothing, Phoebe, nothing.

ROSS and JOEY exchange glances.

(Laughter)

RACHEL comes in.

RACHEL: Hi, everyone!

There is no response from the others.

(Laughter)

RACHEL: OK, I’m gonna go out and come in again.

(Laughter)

RACHEL goes out and comes in again.

RACHEL: Hi, everyone.

(Laughter)

RACHEL: What’s going on?

ROSS and JOEY point to PHOEBE.

RACHEL: Ah, right, she’s having her period.

(Laughter)

PHOEBE:  I am not having my period.  OK?  I’m just sitting here reading my newspaper.

RACHEL sits on the couch next to PHOEBE.

RACHEL:  Phoebe, this is a magazine.

(Laughter)

MONICA comes in.

MONICA: Hi, gang. How’s the period, Phoebe?

(Laughter)

CHANDLER comes in.

CHANDLER: Hi, everyone. (To MONICA) Phoebe riding the cotton pony?

MONICA: I think so.

(Laughter)

CHANDLER: That’s what I thought.

(Laughter)

The door bell rings.

ROSS: I’ll get it.

ROSS opens the door.  It is HUGH GRANT.

HUGH: Hi. 

(Applause)

ROSS: Are you….?

HUGH: Er, yes, so they tell me.

ROSS: Right.

(Laughter)

HUGH: I’m looking for Phoebe.

CHANDLER:  She’s over there.  (Whispers)  But watch out.   She’s er….you know?….

HUGH:  What?

(Laughter)

HUGH:  Oh, right.  Thanks for that.

(Laughter)

PHOEBE: Hello, Mr Grant…. Er, Huge…Hugh!…. (Laughter)… Oh, my God. (Laughter)

HUGH: I’m your date, Phoebe. You won me in a competition. But if you’re having your period….?

(Laughter)


At this point my inspiration abandoned me, and I can't say I blame it. I've since watched a few more episodes of Friends (including one all the way through!) and I think I'm beginning to understand the attraction of the show. It would be really nice if I could share it. Or on second thoughts, no it wouldn't.

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